December 9, 2024
Self-care. It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? But during cancer treatment, it can feel almost impossible. My journey wasn’t just about fighting the disease—it was about surviving the emotional, physical, and mental toll it took on me while still trying to meet the expectations of everyone around me.
I’m a wife, mother, and full-time professional, and the weight of trying to keep all of that together during treatment was overwhelming. Between losing my hair, being poked every day like a pin cushion, enduring surgical menopause, and trying to keep up with sporting events for our son, there were days I felt completely defeated. But I didn’t let it show—because people expect you to be strong.
There’s this unspoken expectation that you’ll keep smiling and pushing through, even when you feel like crumbling inside. You’re afraid to show your weakness because what if it disappoints someone? And then, on the rare day when you do feel good, everyone assumes you’re “back to normal.” But my life will never be the same as it was before October 2020. That’s the harsh reality of this journey. It’s not just about surviving—it’s about learning to live again in a world that feels forever changed.
Confronting the Reality of Mortality
One of the most emotionally draining aspects of this journey was having to think about my mortality. I had to plan for things I never wanted to face—my will, my living will, and assigning a medical power of attorney. These weren’t just documents; they were acknowledgments that there might come a time when I would no longer be here in my present form.
It forced me to think about the unthinkable: my family’s life without me, my children navigating the world without their mother, and my husband carrying the weight of it all. Even now, these thoughts don’t completely go away. They linger in the background, a quiet reminder of how fragile life is.
The process of confronting these realities wasn’t just about planning—it was about finding the strength to accept the things I couldn’t control while doing everything I could to fight for more time with my loved ones. No matter how “prepared” I tried to be, it was emotionally exhausting. It’s a burden no one should have to carry, but for those of us who do, it changes the way we see life forever.
Where Are Your Friends and Family During All of This?
Cancer has a way of showing you who will stand with you and who will quietly step back. For me, my immediate family—my husband, children, my mom, siblings, my extended distant cousins, and my in-laws—were my greatest support. My extended distant cousins often checked in, offering kind words and showing they cared, even from afar. My husband, the rock of our family, never wavered in his care and love for me.
And then there was my mother-in-law, who has been a beacon of support from the very beginning. She stayed at our home, helping in any way that she could. She made it a priority to be there for me and our family, ensuring we were supported physically and emotionally. My favorite moments with her were when we’d sit and watch Tyler Perry movies all day, finding moments of joy and laughter even amidst the challenges.
I’m also blessed to have an incredible village of friends. These friends didn’t just check on me—they showed up for me. They bought me flowers just because, gave me gift baskets, heartfelt cards, cheered me on during walks, and joined me at fundraisers and celebrations. They attended organized dinners, gave me hugs when words weren’t enough, and even introduced me to my love of coloring, which became a beautiful outlet for stress and healing. Their kindness didn’t stop there—some gifted us meal cards, so we didn’t have to focus on cooking or meal planning, freeing up time and energy to rest and recover.
Even my neighbors became part of this incredible support system. They invited us over for dinner, brought meals to our home, spent time hanging out with us, shared vegetables from their garden, and even made me a beautiful blanket. These gestures of care, big and small, reminded me how much love and goodness there is in the world, even during life’s toughest challenges.
But not everyone responded the same way. There were people I considered friends who fell silent. People I’ve always reached out to—even when I was the one going through something as life-altering as cancer. They told me they loved me, but their actions didn’t match their words. It’s a painful realization, and it makes you question those relationships.
Then, there are the strangers. The people I barely knew—knew for a short period of time through work or advocacy efforts—or didn’t know at all—who stepped up in ways I never expected. These individuals showed me more kindness, care, and love than I could have imagined. It was humbling and a reminder of the goodness in people.
The truth is, cancer is a very lonely disease. Even with a strong support system, there are moments of isolation, where it feels like no one truly understands the depth of what you’re experiencing. And that’s why self-care is so vital. You have to find ways to care for yourself, to fill your cup when it feels empty. Because at the end of the day, you’re the one who’s living this reality.
Purpose Through Cancer
One thing’s for sure, two for certain—I love my life. Everything I’ve ever asked for has been accomplished. I have an amazing family, and we love each other unconditionally. My husband and I have built a home made from love. We have a very strong foundation and a bond that can never be broken; some have tried. Cancer hasn’t happened to me, but for me. I say this because so many people live their entire lives not knowing or searching for their purpose. Cancer gave me that purpose, and I don’t have to search anymore.
My life’s mission and #livingwill is now to help my community defy the odds that are stacked so high against us. Too often, we are our own biggest barrier. But knowledge is power, and early detection saves lives. The American Cancer Society emphasizes that early detection improves survival rates, and with regular screenings, lives can be saved (www.cancer.org). My journey is no longer just about me—it’s about creating change for the greater good. This is why I advocate tirelessly for awareness, education, and equitable access to healthcare.
Closing Thoughts
To anyone walking this path: I see you. I know the weight you’re carrying. Your #anger, your #fear, your #guilt—they’re #valid. But so is your #strength. This journey has forever changed my life, and it will change yours, too. But you don’t have to do it alone. Lean on your community, find your outlets, and most importantly, give yourself grace.
My life will never be the same as it was before October 2020. But today, I’m still here, still standing, and still fighting. You can, too.
American Cancer Society Susan G. Komen Tigerlily Foundation National Cancer Institute (NCI) THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY MEDICAL CENTER & JAMES CANCER CENTER Russell Pearce Naomi Pearce Shadé Pearce
Resources for Support
- Tigerlily Foundation Website: www.tigerlilyfoundation.org Contact: info@tigerlilyfoundation.org
- American Cancer Society (ACS) Website: www.cancer.org Helpline: 1-800-227-2345
- Susan G. Komen Website: www.komen.org Helpline: 1-877-465-6636
- National Cancer Institute (NCI) Website: www.cancer.gov
- The Stefanie Spielman Comprehensive Breast Center Website: cancer.osu.edu Contact: 1-800-293-5066
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